Honorary DSI-01
Donald J. Trump
Secretary of Renaming Oceans and "Super" Things
LinkedIn name searchAn official parody portal of the United States Government
MEMORANDUM FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE · NEW OWNERSHIP
THE COUNTRY IS
UNDER NEW
MANAGEMENT.
Management has no relevant experience.
Oversight was slowing things down. The reports were asking questions. Someone suggested fixing the bridge. We have therefore decided to appoint you.
Apply for unchecked powerNO QUALIFICATIONS REQUIRED · NO QUALIFICATIONS PREFERRED
Open the official explanation (it is not an apology)
SUBJECT: THE DEPRECATION OF THE REPUBLIC
The United States is a distressed corporate asset, according to a prospectus nobody can locate. We fired the scientists and gave the press office a bigger budget.
The Department is fictional; the confidence is unfortunately familiar. This page is an editorial joke, not a government bulletin or a sourced account of current events.
— The Office of Saying So With Confidence
NEW
MGMT
MGMT
Appointed by nobody. Answerable to nobody. Out of cyan.
“I reviewed the situation and decided it’s your fault.”
FEDERAL TALENT ACQUISITION · APPLICATION WINDOW: UNTIL WE SAY OTHERWISENO QUALIFICATIONS REQUIRED · NO QUALIFICATIONS PREFERRED
CAREERS · PUBLIC SERVICE, PRIVATE BENEFIT
A four-question audition for a job nobody understands.
Pick how you’d handle a collapsing bridge, a billionaire, an unpaid weekend, and one missing billion dollars. Competence is not a disqualifier, but it will be noted.
60 SECONDS · FREE · NO RESUME · NO CONSEQUENCES PROMISED
MINIMUM QUALIFICATIONS
- Ă—Prior experience fixing the actual problem
- ✓Can say “strategic” without laughing
- âś“Knows where the cameras are
- âś“Will blame the person who left last week
REFERENCES WILL BE CHECKED AGAINST THE LIST OF PEOPLE WE HAVE ALREADY FIRED.
SATIRE, NOT A GOVERNMENT SERVICE. The offices, characters, and free audition are fictional commentary. No actual public appointment or political affiliation is implied.
[ DECLASSIFIED: LATEST LEADERSHIP MANDATE ]
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PUBLIC APPOINTMENTS REGISTRY
The Executive Org Chart
500 appointments authorized · Fees support this independent satire project.
Total Federal Hallucinations Generated Today:[ 8,492,104 ]Illustrative satire counter · not an official statistic
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ROOT NODE · CHAIN OF COMMAND
Model Version 7.4.Omni · Acting Secretary of Slop
Reports to: “configuration not found.” Backup approver: the same model, in a different hat.
AUTHORITY FLOWS DOWN · ACCOUNTABILITY LOOPS BACK UP · THE ARROW KEYS ARE MISSING
NON-PURCHASABLE · FICTIONAL ASSIGNMENTS
The Honorary Accountability Sink
Reports to: a loading spinner.
The loading spinner reports to the nearest camera.
These public figures did not buy, hold, or accept these parody titles and have not endorsed this project. LinkedIn links open name searches—not verified profiles. Their assignments are commentary, not claims of employment or criminal conduct.
Honorary DSI-02
Elon Musk
Chief Executive of Federal Asset Liquidation (Crypto Division)
LinkedIn name search X profile supplied by projectHonorary DSI-03
Vivek Ramaswamy
Chief Architect of Bypassing Congressional Oversight
LinkedIn name searchHonorary DSI-04
Pete Hegseth
Commissioner of Televised Military Tribunals
LinkedIn name searchHonorary DSI-05
JD Vance
Undersecretary of Unregulated Tech Feudalism
LinkedIn name searchCABINET CLASSIFICATION
The Prompt Oligarchy
You don’t just lick the algorithmic boot; you prompt-engineer it. These 5 slots grant you supreme, unearned authority.
Reports to: the Actively Loading Model. The model reports to a broken “reply all” chain.
SUPERVISOR BOX · DO NOT DRAW A SALARY
The Prompt Oligarchy Directorate
Reports to: the Actively Loading Model. The model reports to a broken “reply all” chain.
SES CLASSIFICATION
The Hallucination Apologists
When the model recommends putting glue on pizza, you go on CNBC to defend it as “disruptive innovation”.
Dotted line to Cabinet, solid line to the spreadsheet, escalation route unknown.
SUPERVISOR BOX · DO NOT DRAW A SALARY
The Hallucination Apologists Directorate
Dotted line to Cabinet, solid line to the spreadsheet, escalation route unknown.
GS12 CLASSIFICATION
The Expendable Meat-Sacks
The bread and butter of the automated dystopia. Click “Approve” on code you don’t understand and take the fall when the servers catch fire.
Reports to each other in a perfect circle. The circle reports to an empty calendar invite.
SUPERVISOR BOX · DO NOT DRAW A SALARY
The Expendable Meat-Sacks Directorate
Reports to each other in a perfect circle. The circle reports to an empty calendar invite.
IF THE REPORTING LINES ARE UNCLEAR, ESCALATE TO THE BUTTON THAT IS RUNNING AWAY.
THE FEDERAL REGISTER OF FICTIONAL DIRECTIVES
Policy, with confidence.
An imaginary institution for an all-too-real conversation about artificial intelligence, public power, and the dangerous gap between a confident answer and a correct one.
View the rosterEXECUTIVE DIRECTIVE 14108 · FICTIONAL
On the Rebranding of Artificial Intelligence
Rename the category. Consider the problem solved.
EXECUTIVE DIRECTIVE 14109 · FICTIONAL
On the Strategic Retirement of Human Judgment
Human review will be retained in the event of an incident.
EXECUTIVE DIRECTIVE 14110 · FICTIONAL
On the Confident Publication of Unverified Conclusions
If the answer sounds certain, the certainty is presumed.
PROCEDURAL SAFEGUARD · MOUSE EVASION SIMULATION
Mouse users get the classic review-avoidance experience. Keyboard users can focus the control and activate the parody response.
OFFICE OF PROFESSIONAL SELF-ANNOUNCEMENTS
Your résumé has never been this official-looking.
A commemorative certificate and optional share kit are available after a successful appointment. Please disclose the satirical nature of the role when sharing.